June 18th, 2009

correlation is NOT causation

Writer's Block: I Can Relate

What fictional character do you most identify with?

I never use this thing anymore. I don't know why.

You know Dr. Reid from Criminal Minds? Him. I just got into the series, but his character makes me shudder with recognition. Now, granted, I'm not a super genius. I'm lucky to count myself on the clever side of average in most things, and even the areas I excel in are garden variety. I'm not a ~*~special snowflake~*~, but he and I share worst fears and worst memories.

It's weird to see a character fear his own mind the way I do. It's hard, almost, to see a man run from the same atrocities I curl up with every night. I'm only a few episodes in, but it's like looking in the worst kind of mirror. The guilt of letting his mother fall apart eats at him, guides his every action, and he tries to bury himself in fiction to compensate. He shields himself from himself with the great deeds of others, and I know what that's like. I can't decide if it's shameful or not. Dr. Reid is afraid of becoming everything he's supported all his life, and so am I.

He makes it look good, though. I make it look short and round and kind of awkward.

In other news, I'm declaring bankruptcy for mom. Technically she's declaring, but I'm doing all the legwork. Our attorney is pretty nice, though, and she's trying to make it as easy as possible on me. Evidently she is the single mother of four adopted Asian babies. At least we know she's not soulless.

All that aside, I think it's gonna be okay. I think this is for the best, and I think I made the right decision. Second-guessing myself is the hard part, but I need to learn to trust my instincts. I can handle it.

I might get the Uncertainty Principle tattooed on my back. Go figure.